My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
