fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
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you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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