Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
