I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
