Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
