im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
