So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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