My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
