maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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