Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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