Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
