; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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