I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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