sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
