The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You need a sexual gate keeper
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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