When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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