Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
