guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
