just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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