I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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