You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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