Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
