I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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