i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
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swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
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I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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