did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
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As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
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I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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