I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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