Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
