Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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