I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
