If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
