Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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