How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
