We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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