We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
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I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
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I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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