oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
