sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
