Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
