oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
