...so i touched it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
