she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
