You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize