I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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