I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think i got beer on your cat.
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