i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
