i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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