You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
