life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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