she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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