In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
