my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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