I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
