I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard