i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
my liver is dry heaving
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊