someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!