every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.