The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
even my farts smell like vagina
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
