There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
