We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
