I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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