Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
