Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You're like the curious george of whores
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
