no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize