i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
