Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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