He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
