she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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