He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
