I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
