I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
