I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
